Small gang of Ninja needed (Ft walton/Destin)
I am planning on asking a girl out in the next few days and I would like to take her to a nice walk in the park. I was thinking of a great way to impress her until I realized nothing is more impressive than a Ninja. Nothing except the guy that kicks the asses of a ninja. Now imagine a guy kicking the asses of 3 or more Ninja? yeah you are probably creaming your panties right now just thinking about it.
Heres the plan:
You and a few of your Ninja buddies hide in the bushes waiting for me and my lovely date to walk by. Once we pass the bush you may jump out at us. If you have smoke bombs, this would be the time to use them. I would like you to say something that would paint me as mysterious implying we have a history of combat stretching a few eons. Something along the lines of "Return the Amulet!" or maybe "Time to join your master... IN HELL!" Oh yeah lets go with that one. That way I can tell my date about the tragic death of my master at the hands of your cruel legion of ninja over breadsticks at the olive garden. You know, really show he the sensitive side.
So after proclaiming your threat Id like you guys to strike a ninja pose for a few seconds so I can tell my date to "get behind me." then I will strike an awesome pose then do that bad ass hand taunt beckoning you guys to begin your assault. I might throw in a "Lets do this" or something similarly brave.
If you have any Knunchucks or bo staffs please bring them, but only bring ninja stars if you have had prior experience with them. I dont want a stray shurikens (scientific term for bad ass ninja star) to acidently hit my date. The idea is to impress her with my ability to fight like the two guys from double dragon or a teenage turtle who has mutated. Not put her in the hospital. (again) So we will stage the fight. Ill try to hold punches but please dont rip my silk dragon ball Z shirt or mess up my hair. After you are defeated if you want to shout something like "we will get you next time!" or maybe "bested again by our nemisis Jerry!" You know something I can cleverly retort with a one liner before dipping my date for a bad ass open mouth kiss.
If this works out well Ill probably call you guys again for the wedding.
- Location: Ft walton/Destin
- Compensation: 2 for 1 coupon at applebees.
- This is a part-time job.
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First email came shortly after, from an email "evetherussian"
how much do you pay? & is it ok if I bring my chihuahua with me? she is retired certified ninja K-9 but still can catch some ninja stars.
http://okaloosa.craigslist.org/etc/2354438228.html
Eve
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My reply:
Eve,
I would assume that a ninja would already hold all sorts of material wealth, considering they are freaking ninja, however the advertisement clearly states that compensation would be a buy one entrée get one of lesser or equal value free at Applebee’s gift card. Now this is a gift worthy of a ninja. Because I am sure the appetite of a ninja is far greater than the average man.
Now as far as bringing the ninja Chihuahua with you...
I think a Chihuahua catching ninja stars out of the air is a VERY impressive feat. I am sure that not only did she have to learn this trick right on the first try, but she also needed the vision of a cybernetic enhanced hawk in order to even SEE a sharinka in flight!
A beast like this seems magnificent. Although I would love to have a creature of this caliber as a companion, at this event I require only human ninja. Mostly because this fight is gong to be staged. I would not want a beast ninja there who would instantly go into kill mode once she smelt the smoke from the ninja smoke bombs. Plus I'm trying to impress my date, and she may be distracted from my positively amazingly shaped derrière, flexing in mid fight, by the amazingly cute/deadly Chihuahua
I would like, however to possibly have your Chihuahua train my dog. He has spent the better part of 9 years being very apathetic towards the dark arts of ninja. I have tried explaining to him that guard dogs must be ready to guard from any intruder, even those who are trained in stealth, but he just stares at me sideways until I leave so he can resume his nap. I don’t know though he is a rescue so the possibility that his last owners were Samurai who died in a glorious battle and this is why he has sworn off fighting ninja. Poor poor ronin dog... I must meditate on this with him today.
Thank you for your interest,
-Roby
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